My SUV currently believes that an “Oil Change Required” warning is somehow more important than a “Door Ajar” message.

 

Something is seriously amiss.

 

So what happens if you are on your way to get your oil change and don’t see that your door is ajar? There you are, feeling all holier than thou because you are actually going to maintain your vehicle, when boom! a door opens and a child flies out onto the pavement! Or, if your offspring is strapped in like oh, 30% of the children around these parts, maybe it’s your groceries or your handbag that goes. But still, I would sue. 

 

Who designs these things? Somebody with no imagination? Yes, I know, you can press reset. But who wants to go pushing buttons all over the place? Or sequences of buttons because hello, they couldn’t just make it easy for harassed Moms with already tired fingers? 

 

But by far the best news is that an Oil Change Required warning takes precedence over the Door Ajar and the Fuel Low warning. So great, on the way to get my oil change I also run out of gas. Could be a blessing if it happens before my passenger door swings open. Or not. 

 

OK, I admit it, I am just bitter because my extremely incompetent now ex-mechanic forgot to reset my oil change message, and not for the first time. So, being lazy of finger, I am driving about with that warning etched on my eyeballs. Yet the oil is good! It is sufficiently smooth! Or sufficiently gluggy or whatever cars thrive on. But anyway, changed already. 

 

In short, not only is my car badly designed, it is also lying to me on a daily basis. 

 

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Wait a minute - did I say my car? I meant to say “trashcan”. My SUV is currently an enormous mobile trash receptacle. Actually no - it is a dumpster, retrofitted with 4 wheels and some childseats. Ford Dumpster - it actually has a nice ring to it. 

 

Things are out of control, though I do what I can. A few months back I even bought one of those in-car trash bags, a really cool one with laminated insides and a velcro strap to hang around the seat. But then it filled up on the first day and nobody could be bothered emptying it. We just continued throwing our junk into the passenger footwell like before. And then when I did think about it, several weeks later, I realised there was a rotten apple core welded to the bottom. I washed the bag (at arms length) and it has been “drying” inside out in the laundry ever since. 

 

So! Ideas please, people! I need my car to at least maintain the illusion of respectability. And that is a little difficult when I open a door and two grahams and an empty juice bottle fall out (although not as embarrassing as the time a McDonalds wrapper blew out and across the road).

 

But purlease. Do not even dare to suggest banning eating in the car. That would lead to low blood sugar and low blood sugar is bad. It leads to ultra-violence and rants like this.