After the general boredom which was last week, today we celebrated Day Three of Operation Park. In which we visit at least one park a day, in an effort to promote fresh air! exercise! and meet other kids! (or as the T-Bot so hopefully puts it, “make new friends!”).

 

Notes to Self for Future Forays to Park in 100 Degree Heat:

Do not wear those silky pants. They will not make you feel even one degree cooler. And if you do, accidentally, find yourself wearing them? Do not cross your legs in a vain effort to look more like Gisele Bundchen and less like a dumpling on an oven dish. Sweat marks around the knees and groin are probably, in most cultures, considered unattractive and even a bit ewwwwww. 

 

Also, children. Running around in this climate. They turn crimson. One bottle of water each will not be enough. The awesome plan of arriving early to beat the heat is also a no-go because before 9.30 we are 99.9% guaranteed to meet No New Friends and the children will do nothing but wander about aimlessly, scanning the horizon for approaching vehicles.

 

Incredibly, at 10am, as we are oozing our way back to the car like a family of exotic purple slugs (having engaged in some hurried sweaty play with whichever New Friends managed to arrive before we reached our limits of tolerance), there will be parents arriving, excited children in tow. And one or more of my dripping, dehydrated spawn will fall to their knees and bang their heads on the sidewalk in confusion and frustration because: New Friends!! Going in the Other Direction from Us!!

 

And then you, Dear Self, will have to drive them home and sling them Popsicles for a long, long time, until they cease complaining. 

 

Note to Husband:

Please consider the following gift ideas. Preferably for sooner rather than later:

 

1. Under Armour Bra

2. Under Armour Panties

3. Under Armour Capris

4. Under Armour Tee

 

If Operation Park is to continue, I need gear for the heat and I no longer care if I look like I got lost on the way to the gym.  Anything to wick that perspiration away.The keyword here is wick. Some serious wicking needs to be going on.

 

And while you are at it, you may as well find me an Olivia Newton John sweatband.

Because Shame? I no longer have it.